Welcoming the unexpected

I'm pretty sure that everyone who reads here is also a friend via FB (really, how else do we see each other's cute pictures of the kids in a timely manner), so the news that we are having another baby is pretty much out. I'm 12 1/2 weeks (yes, I'm claiming the survival of those extra few days!) and the baby will be arriving mid-May if all goes well. Since I have delivered either on or very close to my due dates in the past, we may very well be celebrating mother's day with another birth.

Here is the rest of the story. Ellie was almost 2 1/2 and Peter was coming up on his 1st birthday. My brother and his wife had just announced that they were having their first baby in the spring. Along with their announcement, I had just a fleeting moment of wishing that we were in a position to make that announcement too. We suspected that we weren't done with growing our family but with so many things still to be settled from our move this spring and the neediness of two still quite small children, we were actually pretty content with where things were. My first criteria for deciding we were ready to try for another baby was for Peter to consistently sleep through the night--something that was occasionally tantalizing me with the whispers of what it might be like to have a full night's sleep for the first time in over a year (darn pregnancy insomnia) but had yet to occur with any kind of predictability or regularity. Even as we contemplated reaching this milestone within the next couple of months, we weren't sure that we were going to be ready even then. Jonathan was working a ton of extra hours to get major projects at work finished, we were still unpacking and getting settled after a summer of playing outside and ignoring the inessentials inside and I was enjoying teaching the kids new things and watching them develop into little people--something that I knew I would be distracted from by the inevitable travails of my pregnancies.

One day, a couple of weeks before Peter's birthday, I pulled out some pregnancy tests for a friend who I knew was hoping to try for another baby this fall. I buy the cheap ones in bulk (why pay $10 apiece when you can pay $0.60 apiece) so there are always extras to share around. We keep track of my cycles and fertility signs so I knew that I was on day 26--well before I would have even expected my period. But, on a whim, I decided to take one anyway. Call it quality control since these were left over from Peter's conception and the expiration date was only 8 months or so away. I occasionally enjoy that reassuring single line towards the end of my cycle too (see cheap and abundant tests). But on this occasion, there were unmistakeably two lines. I knew that there had been occasional issues with other lots of this test giving false positives. So I took another one. Still positive.

Jonathan was at work so I had the afternoon at home to process this and figure out a way to tell him. With the other kids, we waited until I was at least a couple of days late to test together and by then we're pretty sure what the answer is going to be anyway. So now I knew and couldn't pretend that I didn't for the five days or so that it would take for him to decide that something was up and we needed to check. I took a picture of the positive test and snuck it into our weekly Friday night fun time together by way of a review of the pictures I had taken of the kids over the previous several weeks. You know that you have two shocked and pensive introverts when the rest of the evening is passed in complete silence.

Over the next couple of days, we reviewed the previous month looking for a way that we could have made a mistake in our tracking or preparation but no obvious moment appeared. There was no room for recriminations or blame anywhere. In the end, we were forced to the conclusion that we had simply been one of those couples for whom God decided on the timing of the child without our involvement.

For many people, an unexpected pregnancy is something that is built into their expectations about marriage and family life. This has never been the case for us. We are planners--sometimes to ridiculous degrees--and we prepare for change by going over all of the possible processes and outcomes well before we put them into effect. When it came to my next pregnancy, we knew that it would be a challenging time physically for me and emotionally for the whole family. With Peter, we were at some level able to prepare for that and set ourselves up with ideas of how to entertain Ellie, feed ourselves and structure the schedule so that everyone got most of their needs met. I also knew that I was not in as good shape as I would like to be before embarking on another pregnancy so we were working on a plan for me to leave the house to get some exercise without the kids this fall so that I would be stronger (and a bit more trim) when the time came. Yet here it was, without any of the grand ideas for smoothing out the process having been implemented and roughly a week to prepare for my significantly reduced capacity which would last anywhere from four to six months.

We have been blessed in some really incredible ways over the last couple of years. Jonathan was hired for a job that he loves doing, we don't have to send the kids out to daycare, we have family close enough to visit frequently, and we were provided with a house that was one of the best that we looked at during our nearly year-long search and, incredibly, was in our price range. And we have two beautiful children. There is a common theme here, however. We planned for them. We prayed for them. We worked for them. We thank God for granting them to us, recognizing that they are still gifts given beyond all earning but we were aware of our participation in the process.

There is a lot of faith involved in praising God in difficult circumstances. I don't want to diminish this reality and I've even been there a time or two. What I didn't expect was the faith involved in thanking God for a blessing that we didn't ask for.

It is one thing to subscribe to the belief that all children are precious and a blessing and sometimes another to accept that God and not you decided that they were the blessing that you were to receive at this particular time. At the beginning, I confess to a wild wish that we could undo this, somehow go back to the way things were with our carefully ordered future. Of course, that isn't possible and we're coming to a place of anticipation, thankfulness and maybe a little bit of extra interest to see this child that God thought we should have so particularly. We're talking about names, how to shuffle the sleeping space and putting on hold some of the things that I don't have the energy for. I can't say that I'm enjoying the pregnancy side effects any more than I usually do but we're surviving most of the time and, as usual, Jonathan is rising to the occasion of my lessened availability and effectiveness in a wonderful way.

I hesitated to share any of this beyond the crazy story of how we found out that we are having our third baby. After all, so many of my friends have lost babies or haven't been given the ones that they prayed for. The pain associated with your surrender isn't something that we've experienced. It sounds ridiculous to even have this struggle when there are so many others who are faced with an unexpected pregnancy in far less ideal situations. So I hope that my story of another kind of surrender isn't hurtful. We're thankful that most of the people we've told who would be concerned for us have mostly squashed their worries and expressed at least some pleasure that there will be another member of the family. We hope that you will join us in praying for this little one and the family that it is expanding.

Hanging Around

Peter's mat made a nice swing when attached to the patio awning or a limb of our cherry tree.

Unfortunately, he started to outgrow it and after he wiggled himself out onto the grass, I decided he needed something a little bigger. It works pretty well and was really easy to put together with a 1x2" and some unbleached muslin from the stash.

How does he know?

How does he know?

How does he know that I stayed up way too late last night cleaning for the visit of a friend I haven't seen in two years?

How does he know that wacky hormones make it hard to fall asleep when I finally lie down?

How does he know that today is a day that I would really like to have had as much sleep as those things allow?

How does he know that I will be a little crazy trying to figure out if there is actually anything wrong when he is up for the 5th time in three hours?

How does he know that the cheerful banging and shouting of his sister will make me want to scream and hide in a quiet cave for the day?

And why, why, WHY does he think that time with me is so much more desirable than sleep between 3 and 6 am?

Peter, my lad, it ISN'T.

Doing the Puyallup, Spring Edition

I took the kids and met Jonathan's parents at the Puyallup spring fair this year--a first for us. It is smaller and less crowded but that was all to the good as far as being able to enjoy ourselves without pushing past so many people.
Ellie knows all about stomping on this kind of keyboard from going to the children's museum.

 Peter all cozied up to try for a snooze as we walked around:

 She followed the goats around the petting pen and tried to touch each one.

 And I got to have a bit of fun too.

Getting ready to go:

Playing Outside

Cuddle Buddies

Summer Snow

We stopped at Snoqualmie on our way back from Spokane to stretch our legs. It was deliciously cool over the snow.

She's ours, all right

Transplanting

We have moved some of our favorite plants from the old house to the new. Jonathan had some help with transplanting the rosemary.

Reminiscing

There are a few too many pictures of me looking like this from my childhood:

But at least she is safety minded like daddy too:

Folklife 2012

Playing by the fountain with "Autie Etta".

 Lightly sweetened boy after a day in the sun and crowd.

Family--the kids were overall happier than this picture looks. It was naptime and we had a hard time getting them to look at the camera.

Messy but happy boy eating messy but yummy dinner in a messy but activity-filled house.

O Peter Boy

O Peter boy, your pipes, your pipes, they call me
From room to room and from the garden too.
It's 2am and as I rise, I'm sighing.
It's you, it's you must poo, and I must cry.

You call me back when I am in the other room.
Or when you think I've moved a touch too slow.
'Tis I'll be here in daylight or in darkness.
O Peter boy, O Peter boy, I love you so. 

(to the tune of O Danny Boy)

It's Official!

Thank you, Lord!

And I mean that in the most heartfelt and reverent way possible.

This is our new house. Our first house that is really and truly ours.


And yes, I did borrow this picture from the listing because apparently, of the 2000 pictures we now have of the house, there are no decent ones of the front.

Happy Birthday, Mormor!

A cardinal pin for my grandmother inspired by Sally Mavor's Wee Felt Folk book.

Family Gifts

I finally finished hanging this lovely embroidery that my cousin made for Elanor. The frame came from a local thrift store and when I opened it up it had a mat of just the right color hidden inside. I painted the frame white to fit with the colors in her room. It looks lovely on her wall. Thank you, Desiree!

Isn't This the Truth

Seen at Northgate last weekend.

Introducing Peter

So about five months ago, we had a baby. And the computer became terminally ill, sequestering the pictures that we faithfully took of his birth and first few weeks. The new computer has a different operating system and I am still trying to figure out how to find things.

So here is his birth story.
Peter's birth shared one similarity with Elanor's--a baby was born. Everything else was different. I was fully expecting Peter to be born on or just before his due date. After all, I had gone into labor with Ellie a couple of days before hers and it was only the long labor that resulted in her being born on her due date. So when the 14th came and went (with the delightful news of the birth of Calia's daughter), I was hot, tired and so very ready to be done!

After church on the Sunday before the birth:

The big red rubber ball at Bloedel during Ben and Andie's visit:


Thursday night, we did our usual cleanup and, even though it was late, I decided to make our list of things to pack for the birth center as the last thing before I went to bed. This turned out to be a good thing because as soon as I lay down, my water broke. After a frantic cleanup and a page to our midwife to let her know to expect a call from us sometime in the next day when I started labor, we went back to bed hoping to get some rest before labor actually started. With Ellie, there was a period of several hours after the water broke but before labor started but this time we had barely half an hour before I had to get up and pace through the house to distract myself from the contractions. Jonathan rushed around packing our bag for the birth center while I snacked and started singing through the contractions. We deliberated for a while about when to call my mom to come stay with Ellie (who mercifully slept through the entire process) but finally decided at 2:00 that we were ready to have her come. While we were waiting for her to arrive, labor intensified enough that I needed Jonathan's help during contractions. I remember being scared at how intense things felt and beginning to be worried about whether I could make it through the ten to twelve more hours that I anticipated before the baby would actually be born. Jonathan and I left for the birth center around 4:00 and had a wild ride across 520 to Kirkland. I won't say how fast we were going but it is a good thing that there were neither police officers or other cars headed our direction. It also turns out that having been somewhere 18 months previously doesn't necessarily mean that you will remember how to get there after a night of no sleep and with a laboring woman in the front seat. After several wrong turns we found it (much to our relief--I was starting to think that I might be having the baby in the car). I just had time to get in the blissfully warm tub before I started pushing. Peter Pascal was born on September 16th at 5:17 am weighing 8lbs 11oz.




Mom stopped by with Elanor to see the baby and bring us breakfast and a few other things that we had forgotten (including an outfit for Peter to go home in) before taking her for a couple of days of pampering at the grandparents house. We enjoyed our days at home resting and snuggling the new baby before she came home and we started life as a family of four.



Peter Pascal: We deliberated on the baby's name up until his due date before finally making a decision. Peter has been one of our top choices for a boys name since before Ellie was born. For me, at least, that dates back to the charming and chivalrous Peters Pevensy and Wimsey. It also is a name that occurs frequently in Jonathan's family line. Our Peter is the only one in his generation so far but we don't expect it to remain that way. I have a fondness for somewhat obscure nature references in names and the "rock" sneaked in there too. Most importantly, it reflects our desire to see him grow up to be the passionate follower of Christ that Peter the Apostle became.
We wanted to continue the alliteration theme that we began with Ellie's name but after searching through name books and websites, were having a difficult time coming up with a name to match Peter. Either they were variant on Peter, Paul (Peter, Paul and Mary, anyone? No!) or impossibly odd. We briefly considered Penuel but figured that since we couldn't decide definitely how it was supposed to be pronounced, that wasn't the best option either. We finally chose Pascal for the French philosopher, theologian and mathematician and the roots of the name in the Hebrew Paschal or Passover.