One of the in vogue topics for bloggers during the turnover of the year is to reflect on the working out of their theme word from the previous year and choose a new one. I like this idea; it reminds me of the way that we choose an ornament each year based on something meaningful from the events or trends of that year. What is harder for me to grasp is how a theme word can be chosen in advance. Maybe because it feels like I've been living in the just-getting-by stage of life for so long and planning ahead for a vision for the year just hasn't been something that I've been able to think about. I also have this irrational belief that there will be life changing surprises in every year (like there have been in the last few) so it is better not to set my heart on my year going a certain way or being able to meet particular goals.
As I've thought about it a little more, I realized that there is another way to look at it. There could be something to focus on that transcends life events and takes the state of my heart more into account than trying to control what happens in my life.
Looking back the word for last year was obvious and a little amusing as we experienced Stretching in many ways, both literal and figurative. My body grew and stretched with my third pregnancy, our family grew by one in our nuclear family and one in my family of origin (with a little extra surprise tossed in at the end of the year with the fullness due in August). We were stretched relationally as our children grew and our marriage dynamics shifted, our church life changed, new opportunities arose and the question of how little sleep you can really survive on was tested to its limits. We commemorated that with a rubber band ball as our Christmas ornament this year.
We do have some priorities for this year. Like 2012, we are hoping to have an off year for babies. This gives us an opportunity to address some of the lingering house projects, look into education and enrichment activities for the older kids, have a few months of largely uninterrupted sleep, finish moving in (now that we have been here for almost two years) and so on. One of the consequences of that stretching has been going into crisis survival mode for too long between Jonathan and me. We are ready to remind ourselves of what it means to grow in our marriage. Another benefit of moving out of crisis mode is finally setting up a viable housekeeping system so that things meet a minimum standard of decency most of the time and I am able to attempt a few of the creative projects that so delight my heart. I have loved being part of BSF over the last couple of years but there is so much more that we could do as a family to grow closer to God.
The word that came to mind as I thought about all of these things is
Refresh. When you
refresh something, you aren't starting with something new. You are taking something that has been there, sometimes for a while, and making it new and clean and better while still retaining the essential character. Having a fresh attempt at something that has been tried before but maybe had to be set aside or just didn't go that well in the first place.
This isn't really a year of starting brand new things for us, we hope, but of finishing, going back to things that we started but got sidetracked from, moving forward from what we have and making it what it should be. We moved in, mostly, but there are a few areas that still struggle with how they are set up or were never finished at all (office, I'm looking at you) and our lives are just enough different with a preschooler, a toddler and another baby that some reevaluation is called for. Now that Inessa is going to bed more or less at the same time as the other kids, what will that mean for time that Jonathan and I could spend together? Babysitting is still a challenge but, like many families, we need to learn how to date without leaving the house. There are so many things that Ellie is ready to learn that require more planning. I love the idea of a card file system for managing chores and teaching the kids how to help and I did have one set up for my old household. But now I have double the square footage and two more children and it just needs to be refreshed for how life looks now. Gardening is one of my soul refreshments and, while I still have a little one who will probably eat any yard debris that she can get her hands on, I also hope that some of the time that we spend outside over the spring, summer and fall can go into just enough fresh veggies for snacking and salads this year.
This sounds ridiculously ambitious in some ways but these are all goals that I hope to revisit this year. Sometimes
refresh means resting and sometimes it means doing something with the rest that you are getting along the way. I hope that this year will be both of those things.
